If a Gynaecologist could tell their story, it would be a very hairy one…

It all started with an attempt to make a phone call appointment with one of the besties. Don’t be alarmed about the need to make a phone call appointment with one of my own best friends – she lives in a different country with a different time zone. With both of us being married and me with a little one as well, households need to be ran and all that yummy stuff. We have things to do, and this particular phone call needed reservation because it was going to be some long jibber jabber. So don’t you sit there and think I’m so rigid that my friends need to make an appointment to talk to me. Ahem.

While figuring out a time to reserve for the big chew, convo went like this:

Friend: “I have a dentist appointment at 4pm.”
Me: “While you are at the dentist, I will be nicely spreading my legs for my Gynaecologist at that time tomorrow as well.”
Friend: “Oh God! All of a sudden, my dentist appointment seems nicer.”

Granted I always get a bit tense right before a gynaecology appointment, but this triggered unwanted  prolonged nervousness to unravel starting the day before. The doc – an older woman who was both nice and funny because she got my jokes, proceeded with her routine task amidst the unfiltered awkwardness.

“So how’s the baby?” she said, trying to diffuse my anxiety by making small talk.

That trick, didn’t as much as work especially because I could barely breathe, let alone talk, with her hand up my “territory.” I simply was not in a position to answer without distorting my words through the adverse reaction that was already on display. Thus, it highlighted the big elephant in the room – the invasion of my planet by foreign object, and I was in repel mode.

Soon as the deed was done, I inquired about our “new relationship”, since she had knowledge of my insides and all looool . After a much needed quick laugh, she gave me her business card and assured me that she would be of much help in the case that I had questions about anything. I later joked with my hubby that, she must have been pleased with what she saw, for her to forward me her business card after lol. Wouldn’t we all like to think that we weren’t the ones that ruined our Gynaecologist’ day, with an unpleasant situation.

Anyhow, what inspires someone to want to peruse through vaginas all day? I imagine lunch break must be a b****h. I would hate to be in the midst of picking up a yummy looking fry from my lunch, and memories of my last patient’s nasty “thingy” tumbles down my brain – a private area with bushes so long, finding the vajayjay made them feel like a contestant in The Amazing Race.

Surely gagging must come with the job description. I could think of many terrible things that I would do before pursuing gynecology for a career.

What about you? What are some professions that you would be reluctant to assume?

Hoping from now on, you would sympathize with your Gynaecologist and bring them something to uplift them, like a cupcake or beef jerky or something lol. I’m sure they come across vajayjays that look so vicious, they not guaranteed that they would have their hand back if they make it on the other side, since it may get chopped and eaten by the mongrel that resides within the walls.

Even when I try to think of it in the most perverse sense, and tables are turned and I’m a urologist. I foresee a lot of unwelcome encounters. It would go something like this…

Guy walks in, and I’m appalled by his sight for whatever reason. He tells me he needs to get checked because he has not been feeling good.

Me: “Really? You look very healthy. Actually the healthiest looking person that I’ve seen walking through these doors.”

Patient: “Are you sure cause I thought I felt something odd on my man person, can’t you take a look?” he says, as he proceeds to unzip his soiled looking jean pants.

Me: “No, no, no, no, no!” I say, displaying a thorough stop signal with my right hand.
“I don’t need to take a look, I already know. Just drink some water, get enough sleep and you will be okay. I know this cause I’m a doctor and I know what I’m talking about.”

Patient: “Ok, I had thought that may be I had felt something.”

Me: “It’s in your head, trust me.”

Basically saying anything to get out of the situation.

Copyright © 2013 by Selwana Hudson. All Rights Reserved.